#planet of the b(r)ass

[thejoyofviolentmovement]

New Audio: TANSU Shares Sultry "DOWNTOWN"

New Audio: TANSU Shares Sultry "DOWNTOWN" @IAmTansu @LITTLEPLANETREC @DaveAAuthors @grandstandhq

Deriving her artist name from a Turkish term for the sun’s radiant touch on ocean waters just before sunrise, the emerging pop artist TANSU has a diverse and global cultural background with roots in Turkey and Ireland. She spent her formative years in London and Connecticut, had a stint in Boston for college, and has called NYC home for the past 13 years. During that period, TANSU has carefully…

[pedge-page]

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife #10 : Snack Time

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: Momma bird hungry for all the snacks in the world. Takes some time and frustration before Joel figures out the exact kind of snack you really want.

Warnings: Pregnant reader, Angry!Joel, oral M!receiving, face fucking, throat bulge, throat-pie, dumbification, junk food binge, eating meat, bossy reader as always

18+ ONLY

- - - -

Joel didn’t know he married the Hungry Hungry Hippo, Galactus the planet devourer, Garfield the tabby cat.

You’re on your phone texting while cuddling Joel. He’s more interested in the movie than you are, but that doesn’t stop him from tracing his finger along your arm, occasionally kissing the top of your head and nuzzling his nose. He loves the scent of your shampoo after a wash, damp and cold against his warm chest. Sometimes you protest how closely he wants to cuddle you, all smushed up on the couch. Your body temp skyrocketed with the baby changing everything. But since he’s keep the AC on full blast, your warm heavy body keeps him from being a popsicle.

The landlines chimes in from the kitchen.

He rolls his eyes. Of course, something to interrupt the comfort that took 40 minutes for you to settle into. "I'll get it,” He grumbles quickly and hoists himself up off the couch. He wants to make whoever the fuck is calling at such a late hour a quick convo. If it’s fucking Tommy needing bailed out again, he thinks begrudgingly, I’ll just hang up on him. 

He clears his throat and answers: “Hello, Miller Residents.”

"Can you get me a bowl of Cap'n crunch while you're up?"

He glances back over at you sitting up on the couch, your cell to your ear as you wave at him. you point to your belly mouthing I T S  F O R  T H E  B A B Y.

It’s for the baby, my ass. You’ve been a hungry hungry hippo who’s been snacking like crazy and ignoring the doctor’s warnings. 

But cranky Momma is way worse than a scolding doctor. 

He grits his teeth and slams the receiver a little too hard down on the desk.

You can hear him shuffling around in the kitchen, a clash of a bowl on the counter  and the jingle of overly processed cereal filling it up. 

He walks back into the living room. You’ve taken up the whole couch now, with no inclination to move over to let him back on.

You shove a fist into the bowl and pop a bunch of the crunchy orange squares into your mouth “f’anks” you mumble, eyes not once making contact with him as you stare ahead and much away. Crumbs fall onto your chest and down to the floor and sofa, as if Joel hadn’t just cleaned all of it this morning.

.

The next night, Joel's cooking some steaks. You weren’t really a meat-crazed person, having maybe one or two helpings of poultry or occasionally red beef a week, but normally ,you could go without it for a few meals without thinking about it. 

Pregnant momma? She was a fucking carnivore. He had barely set the sizzling steak down before you snatch one onto your plate. He turns around to slice into one, checking its temp before serving, only to see it was a bit too red and bloodied on the inside.

"Oh babe I gotta cook these a little longer; they're too rare--"

You were hacking away and tearing a large chunks of the red, near pulsing meat, juices pouring out your lips, a vampire gorged on a fat blood sucking meal. Despite its tenderness, you chew endlessly and stare off into the table like a Llama enjoying its food on the field. 

"Maybe...we should—slow down a bit,” he suggests with uncertainty. His fork and knife frozen in midair, still in each hand. He hasn’t shifted view or blinked, but clear worry (and maybe a tad bit of fear) stretch across his face.

"Uighgrrfmggmmdeeofxsw,” you reply with gargled cow remains sloshing in your wide open trap. 

 “Right. That."

You swallow what’s left. Joel’s does a double take: your steak is somehow gone, juice licked clean off the plate in front of you.

“Can I have yours???"

He had only sliced 4 cuts  for himself so far. But the hungry look in your pupils, licking your lips while watching his dinner, it’s clear you’ve answered for him. He sadly sets his cutlery down and slides his plate to you. 

Its even more interesting when you douse it in salt and throw a slab of butter on top of it, watching it melt before slicing a big chunk off.

"You gotta watch the salt intake—“

“—Can you make chicken? I want chicken now.”

“N-no,” he shakes his head, whiplash from the conversation. Maybe you’ve gone def AND blind AND lost your taste buds. “I made steak. You've had 2 steaks now. Why do you need chicken?”

“That second one was for the baby. The chicken is for me.”

“What about the fist one?”

“….We split that.”

“Awfully hungry baby,” he says with a dead tone, straight faced as he eats the one roll left in the basket that hasn’t been devoured by you. 

“Well she’s yours, isn’t she?” 

-

You wipe your face with a napkin, a fried chicken leg and wing now securely packed tight in your tum tum along with the famished baby.

"What's for dessert?" You chime eagerly.

Joel turns to wash the dishes, hiding his smirk. He’s got you now, no surprise cravings will catch him short on this one: He boasts proudly, “I bought you apple pie--"

"I want cupcakes. Whip cream icing. Chocolate.”

His grin quickly deflates into a frown. “No.” He says sternly, a little aggravated. “I bought you pie—“

"Did I say I want pie? L I S T E N,” you snap, slapping your palms together with each syllable. 

He puts his foot down with tense sudsy hands going to his hips. “No. I'm not going out again.”

You raise your eyebrows threateningly. One look.

30 minutes later Joel is shuffling into the house with a pack of 12 cupcakes he bought at the bakery.

-

You’ve managed to prop yourself up on the couch after some heaving. “Ha! The baby is making me workout get strong! Obviously that’s why I’m so hungry.” You shrug it off. “Oh! I want raw cookie dough.”

Joel was on his phone the entire time, but the second you said I want, his brain queued in and he quickly retorts, “No.”

He goes back to replaying the voicemail he missed, settled and focused on the opposite couch.

Of course he Doesn't realize you’ve somehow lumbered up past him and now waddling back with 4 chunks of raw cookies in your hand, popping them in your mouth one at a time.

His eyes dark up to watch you, transfixed on the screen as you bend your knees, hardly paying attention to the way you’re about to fall on the couch. He has half the mind to help, but what’s one lesson you need to learn the hard way?

Regretfully, you bounce down successfully and pull your legs up.

And then, as you dust your hands off from the chocolate stains melted on your palms, Joel’s lips part in a o as you reach behind you and pulling an entire gallon container of animal crackers. 

"Babe"

"Wha?” You don’t turn around to look at him, still shoveling them into your mouth. “Yuu wan wan?"

"You need to stop eating every damn thing in the house.”

You gasp incredulously, your hand over your heart in painful offense. “The baby is very hungry! She's related to you and that belly.”

He only remembers to stop himself from reminding you that your belly is much bigger than his now. 

"The baby—“ (that was the new thing now: the baby  this baby that. The baby is why I need this shirt in blue and green. The baby is why I need the ice cream layered horizontally not stacked vertically. The baby —)

"No. Not the baby,” he snaps. “You."

You start to cry. "I thought I AM your baby!!!" 

He gives you a “seriously” look and you stop the fake tears.

“So how about it?”

“I don’t want you getting salmonella.”

“ugh fine. You can bake them I guess.”

He’s about to protest the idea of any dough going into your body, cooked or raw, but knows its going to be a lost cause.

Joel makes you a platter of Assorted cookies: chocolate chip, fudge, triple chocolate, sugar, and oatmeal raisin.

You clap your hands as he carefully places the little plate atop your bump. Humored by the custom “mini” table you’ve got going on now. Maybe his baby doesn’t like her head being used as a countertop, but with the way you close your eyes and moan after biting into the chocolate chip, babygirl must be pleased too.

He goes to the bathroom quickly and then comes back only to glare down at you. You've taken exactly one bite out of every single cookie, leaving crescent shapes for him to scathe.

Every cookie, except oatmeal raisin. You clearly did take a bite ,but spit it out and put the lump back near the undesirable #1 cookie.

“These mine?” Joel asks bemused.

You nod happily. You felt very proud to have enough control and leave him some this time! 

-

It’s about 9:30 pm. You're acting drunk and woozy even tho you're just a new level of tired and achy

"Woopppoooooo!!! Paaartttaaayyy!" You shout with fists in the air, drinking down a shot glass of sugar water. 

“Alright party Momma. It’s bedtime.” 

"Ppfffttt! No old man! Dont steal my fun.”

Joel stands over the couch, blocking your view from the TV, his hands on his hips. “You're being difficult "

“YoU’rE bEiNg DifFicUlT,” you mock and wave him off. "Oop I need to pee. Help me up.”

Joel” grabs both your grabby hands and hoists you up to your feet. “Now up the stairs, you.”

You waddle towards the stairwell, one hand cupping your lower back. Joel is right at your heel. you up at the treaturous journey ahead, all 8 steps to the top floor. Cracking your neck side to side, you wave your arms over to the handrail and begin: “Left foot. Right foot. Left. Fuck. Fuck stairs. Who invented stairs. Left foot…”

Joel’s so sleepy that he nearly falls forward. And he knows you would not take too kindly to him ramming his face into your ass as you battle your worst enemy.

Finally to the top, you scurry over like a penguin to the bathroom. He fears the long night ahead, with all the sugar swirling in your system undoubtedly going to keep him up.

He rubs his wears eyes. Startled when a moment later you’re right next to him by your side of the bed, patiently waiting for him to help you up.

"Get in the covers,” he hums with exhaustion.

But you don’t move. “No"

"Now.”

"I want an orange.”

"No. You—you just had your snack."

"That was the baby's snack. I want MY snack”.

Dear Christ almighty, bless me with a boy next time so that I have a fighting chance against her and mini her. “If I get you an orange, will you go to bed?" He asks irritably, his voice enunciating each word to ensure the contract that he’s making with you right now is solidified on both ends of the bargain.

You think it over before nodding with a little innocent beam. 

You crawl into the covers just as Joel descends the stairs once again. It takes the entire time for him to grab some oranges, a peeler, and paper towel just for you to rotate your middle and sit your ass in bed.

You sit up against the headboard and clap your hands, so excited when he reappears with the goods. He puts the towel on your mini-table bump and plops one orange atop.

Joel sighs and begins to walk towards his side of the bed, but is haunted when you clear your throat for his attention.

“Yes?”

"Peel it.”

He tries not to visibly roll his eyes before he's opening the round orange with his large fingers and clubbed nails. Everything smells like nectarine now.

Picky as can be, you peel off the extra dried white veiny bits and suck on each pod of the orange.

You expect a sweet simpleness to squirt on your tongue, but instead, a sour, bitter, unripe taste floods your mouth. “Ugh these are gross, now I want—“

Joel closes his wardrobe drawer, his shirt off and only halfway down to his boxers. “NO. NO means fucking NO. I’M TIRED. YOU’RE TIRED. WE'RE GOING TO BED. NOW,” he barks sternly into the mirror. His shoulders huffing from such aggression without being able to look at you.

You throw the covers off, orange skin and slices flying everywhere.

“Fuck you! I want ice cream! I want bananas and steak and potatoes and tacos and—!" 

-

He bares his teeth in a snarl, deep angered eyes casting downward with each poignant rut. “You're so annoying, so goddamn spoiled,” he grunts. His huge hands are wrapped around the top of your head and  cupping your jaw and bulging cheek, keeping you in place as he pushes his length into your mouth over and over again. “You’re gonna do shit when I tell you, the first time I say—shit—fuck there we go—gonna listen—unnggghhfff—listen ta me from now on. Just be my good little silent. Slutty. Pregnant. Wife.”

Your teary eyes are fixed upward at his imposing figure. Feeling each time his tip nudges the back of your throat has you gagging but you can’t pull away to breathe—not that you want to.

“You get—what I give ya—and you be grateful bout it.”

You gargle a moan in agreement. His balls slap against your chin with brutal punches. by this time tomorrow, there will be Joel-finger prints bruising your face and neck.

You love it. You love it when Joel forces you out of the hormonal phase of bossing him around, the endless need to want more and more, no end in sight to your greedy gluttonous desires, until he’s blowing up and blowing off steam using you instead. And it becomes very clear to you how much you just really wanted him this whole time. 

“That’s it—that’s it—you were hungry for my cock weren’t ya? Yeahhhh. Just begging me all night for it. Wanted all that meat for dinner, huh? Couldn’t just come out n’ say it? Your little brain didn’t know what ya truly needed. S’okay, Momma. I’m takin’ care of ya, aren’t I?”

The gluglugglug sounds mixed with strained pitchy whines echo in the master bedroom.

You grip his thighs with your hands to steady yourself, allowing him to abuse your throat. Maybe your knees hurt. Maybe the baby is settling uncomfortably against your lower back, and maybe it’s going to be really difficult to get up from this position in a few minutes. But each thick throb of his length filling your mouth over and over again, the spit slick strings dropping from your lips to your swollen tits, and the dent in your throat from his cock stretching to accomodate his size has your swollen pussy dripping into the carpet for more, more, more. 

It’s been at least a week since Joel drained himself. No wonder he’s been so on edge with each demand. Usually marveling how cute you are, but tonight he was at him limit. You were about to get a hefty, Joel Miller sized load filling your belly, and it’s going to be better than any cookie, steak, or orange in the entire world.

He feels the way your lips suction tighter. Your eyes are leaking tears, and he smirks as he brushes his thumb over to collect it. Briefly bringing it to his tongue and sucking on the salty taste before holding your head in place. 

“Shhh-shhhhhhhh. You gonna take it? Shit—shit—fuck yeah you are. Gonna fuckin take what I give ya, that’s right. My sweet wife. Bossing me around. Shit. Love when ya get like this. Known I’m gonna wreck that ass or that pussy or that mouth—all belongs to me. Fuck—fuck—fuuckk—“

His mouth drops into an o, brows drawn tightly together as slams his pulsing member balls deep into your mouth one final time. You choke, eyes wide as the tip of his cock breaches the deepest part of your throat, your nose suffocated by his pubic hairs and the fat of his lower belly surrounding your cheeks. His balls twitch against your lower lip, and you feel it coming. The travel of his seed from his sack, up his shaft along your tongue—a generous spurt of cum finally shooting from his tip and down your throat. You gag with each fat load that he pumps down your esophagus, too much to swallow at once yet having no other choice but to gulp it down quickly. Your face feels hot. He’s cumming endlessly, your mind blanking and eyes feeling blurry.

“Take it, take it, take it, that’s it,” he hisses through clenched teeth.

You nod just a little, hugging your arms around his thick thighs tighter. He grins, humming “That’s my good fucking wife, and throws his head as the last of his pleasure makes its way safely from his sated balls to your full womb.

Joel pulls you off his length gently. You sputter out cum and saliva onto his feet, sucking in air through your lungs like a newborn. 

Joel gets to one knee, his thumb pressed gently under your chin so you look directly at him. He’s got such softness in his eyes again, the ones that just switch on a dime the second he’s satisfied his aggress out on you. 

You’re completely wrecked: snot spit connecting to your nostrils and swollen lips, cheeks warm and eyes puffy and hazy with exhaustion and tears.

“That—mmffffgg!—was—definitely—my—snack,” you rasp with a hoarse voice. A lazy grin spread across your face only briefly as you continue to suck air.

Joel shakes his head before planting a long kiss atop your forehead. his hands glide along your body, and just in time as your knees give way and you’re falling into him. 

If you had half the mind right now, you’d curse him out for scooping you up and carrying you to bed like his once youthful bride, too concerned with the size and weight of your new body putting unnecessary stress on his aging knees and back. But Joel doesn’t protest once. Just watches you with loving eyes as he settles you into the soft bed. His tongue dips to your chest and breasts, kissing and sucking away any remnants of his rough face fucking. His cum, your spit, and fuvk it, even the little snot specks—all of it he cleans up before coming up to your lips. He kisses you softly with gentle pecks, enough to ensure you can still catch your breath. He sucks your lower lip into your mouth before wiping his own with his thumb. You’re calmer now, sated and drifting so close to sleep.

Joel clambers into bed next to you, wrapping his arm under your head and swaddling you close. You instinctively roll into his embrace. Kissing his peck and rubbing your face against him dreamily with soft breaths. “Tha hit ther spert juss rite. Ur da bess, Jol.”

“I know. So are you.” He waits for a reply, but nothing comes from you. “Are you goin’ into a food coma, baby?”

Your gentle snores answer him, along with the drool now pooling on his peck.

He chuckles and pulls your head into his face, inhaling your scent. Strong, secure, graceful hands caress your big belly. Your very very full belly, the one that he’s not going to envy when it gives you a the tummy ache tomorrow from stuffing it with so much junk food tonight. 

- - - -

Taglist:

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop

[omiiomiaaus]

Toji’s music taste

headcanons

Headcanons on what songs or music i think toji would like but it’s really just what i like bc i’m lazy and don’t wanna look up new songs.

warnings: none??? some mentions of sex but no details, not proofread, literally none??

☆ Just gotta say one thing… this man was in his prime life in the 2000s…. He was listening to songs that are older than me 🥸

☆ okay Megumi canonically listens to weezer so i think he got some of his music taste from Toji. (i think almost everyone that develops a liking for rock gets it from childhood roadtrips with their dad)

☆ Toji only plays his music in the car.. he can’t stand the radio. …100% played buddy holly and meg picked up on it

☆ it’s mostly alternative and rock with the occasional hip/hop songs but he doesn’t really like new music, he’s an oldie after all

☆ he definitely listens to Coldplay oh my god i think that would probably be one of his favorite bands bc their songs are soft and helps him fall asleep (literally me)

☆ his favorite coldplay song is clocks bc he’s a little basic but it’s the most classic song like??

☆ he taps to the beat of any song on the steering wheel and only mouths the lyrics bc he doesn’t like his singing voice.

☆Toji and deftones >>>>>>> he definitely went to their concerts (his favorite songs are birthmark and rosemary)

☆ Is the type to act surprised when a good song comes on and put the volume on blast while saying “Oh shit” even though it’s his own playlists

☆ his gym playlist consists of heavy metal or rock songs that get him in the mood to use all his strength. (and some phonk songs bc he likes to pretend he’s in a movie but he’d never admit that.) so a lot of Metallica, Type O negative, Pantera, and Slipknot

☆ I GET MAJOR TOJI VIBES WHEN I LISTEN TO ‘I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU’ BY THREE DAYS GRACE!!!!!!!

☆ as for hip/hop he likes in da club by 50 cent and and without me by Eminem. those real 2000s vibe songs. none of the new stuff. He actually really does like Eminem.

☆ like??? 3am by Eminem just sounds like him… real villain shit

☆ he also really likes outcast. so fresh so clean is his songgggg. He holds his fist up like a fake mic and says “don’t you think i’m so sexy i’m just so fresh so clean” then holds it up to your lips for you to say “so fresh and so clean clean” and he won’t move his hand until you say it. also quotes “the coolest motherfuckers on the planet” randomly.

☆ he prefers r&b songs for his sex playlist. slow and sensual songs. and one joke song that he plays Russian roulette with when he presses shuffle. It absolutely kills your mood but he laughs his ass off when you’re in the middle of fucking and all of a sudden the speakers are blaring “you get the limo out front… hottest styles, every shoe, every color.”

☆ This mf got a Hanna Montana song from your nostalgia playlist and thought it would be funny to include in the sex playlist…

☆ Okay Toji is the type of guy to not play music in the shower bc he’s a psycho and just takes 3 minute showers (we all know he doesn’t wanna rack up that water bill) BUT when he does.. it’s a quick playlist filled with songs he doesn’t really like so he can hurry up and get out.

☆ Okay the songs I feel like he’d actually listen to are way different than songs for the vibes he gives off…

☆ He gives off major ‘she knows’ vibes by Ne-Yo, and it’s because of that one edit on tiktok… lord bless those editors for taking two second clips of Toji and making it something so scrumptious

☆ ‘monster’ by lady Gaga is another vibe bc “he ate my heart” that part reminds me of him for some reason… he can eat more than just my heart :)))))))

☆ also ‘lights down low’ by maejor and ‘no hands’ by waka flocka.. literally frat boy vibes but its so fanon him right???

☆ any phonk song reminds me of him because tell me he wouldn’t listen to that shit just to get in the zone????

☆ the lost soul down (specifically the sped up version) is just so himmmmmm <33… again it’s probably because of all the edits but still!!

☆ shine dreams (also the sped up version) idk who it’s by there’s so many versions lol but just any song like that >>>

☆ I also think of him when I listen to ‘level7’ by OSAKA… idk something about it…

That’s all I have for now :)

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for being protective of my sister?

I (??M) have had a complicated relationship with my neighbors, and it doesn't help that I am quite prone to outbursts, plus the fact that my father proposed to give me his will, that was supposed to be given to my older brother B, which makes my neighbors quite envious. B passed away some time ago though from similar people like my neighbors, and his wife was imprisoned for quite a bit after that incident.

But my sister, R, likes my neighbors and often comes over to their gatherings, telling stories about her travels around the planet along with her children, who have also grown to wandering the planet as well. I tell R that those people are not to be trusted at all, but R simply brushes off my concerns. Even my brother, H, along with his wife tells me that it's simply not a big deal and that my concerns are for naught.

Fast forward to yesterday, and it turns out my neighbors and twelve others lured R into an arena and plucked her eyes out and basically drank her blood because "R was stupid enough to tell us how she has her powers" while I watched in horror at what they did. I was fucking furious and THOSE DAMNED NEIGHBORS ALSO PLUCKED MY EYES OUT TOO??? WHAT THE FUCK??? I had to ask H eventually to let me borrow his one eye because I was close to death's sweet embrace, and I knew that my bitch ass neighbors were sus.

Anyways I vowed to bring justice to my neighbors and involve my children and their grandchildren into serving justice for those who killed my sister.

So, Am I the Asshole for vowing for justice to my dearly beloved sister and making Ishgard feel my wrath for a thousand years?

[sweetsmellosuccess]

Deadpool & Wolverine

Dir. Shawn Levy

Early on in Shawn Levy's tumultuous MCU action flick, Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds, as always) starts casually referring to himself as the "Marvel Jesus." Sardonic blasphemes aside, the joke works because, in a sense, it's so achingly true. The MCU has been in a tight, downward death spiral ever since the scintillating crescendo of the early phase films, Avengers: Endgame, flailing around, attempting to reset the audience meter with the next batch of characters, lesser known, and given much less coherent storylines. In true Disney fashion, the MCU has been bleeding itself dry, with a neverending cavalcade of "content," via movies and TV shows, with ever more dwindling results. 

The dismal apex of the second wave of MCU faire came last year, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, which was as thoroughly soulless and badly constructed as an outhouse made out of Fritos. Shrill, incoherent, and filled with half-assed CGI effects that felt nearly insulting, the movie got trounced by audiences and critics alike (finally, some agreement!), and left the MCU to hole up and nurse its wounds, especially after the utter failure of last December's The Marvels (a superior film to Quantumania, but with even worse box office results). 

It's no secret the MCU has been in decline, spreading itself far too thin, and producing inferior work in the process. This year, Marvel has sagely decided to back off the endless churn of new releases, instead focusing their efforts on one release in calendar year 2024, which also just so happens to be a) The introduction of Deadpool (formerly a Fox property) into the MCU proper; and b) The first-ever "R" rated film in the MCU pantheon. 

Thus, the "Marvel Jesus," has burst through the building, and is attempting to resurrect a once revered brand, now fallen on callow times. So, no pressure, Mr. Levy, your film just has to meet the sky-high expectations of Deadpool Nation, while also rejuvenating an entire massive entertainment empire on its lonesome. Just how effectively it manages to achieve these lofty goals remains to be seen, but I can report that the film certainly gives it its best shot. 

With a script co-written by Levy, Reynolds, and a host of others, the film takes solid aim at the myriad of mistakes and miscues that has befallen the MCU over the years, incorporating 'Pool's murderously savage derisory jeers to poke righteous (and deserved) fun at the mothership, while retaining the series' gleefully indecorous, hyper-violent tone. 

As for the story, bear with me a minute. Yes, there is, indeed a multi-verse element, which I think by now we can all agree  —  with the notable exception for the Sony Spiderverse films, which remain delightful  — has just become rote and spent: A Get Out of Jail free card for overmatched screenwriters, and a means of re-incorporating extant properties under one mouse-eared umbrella.

That said, we meet Mr. Pool as he’s busy excavating Wolverine’s grave from Logan, James Mangold’s darkly somber (and significantly superior) film from 2017, meant to have been Hugh Jackman’s last time donning the Adamantium claws. As he does so, he’s pushed into laying waste to a bevy of Time Variance Authority enforcers. 

Out of context, we have no real idea why he’s doing what he’s doing, and so, cue the backstory: Because (spoiler alert) Logan has died on this earth, the entire planet’s timestream has become disrupted, and has gotten the ill attention of TVA operative Mr. Paradox (Matthew MacFadyen), itching to try out his unsanctioned doomsday device that would do away with that entire universe to clean up the timeline mess.  Faced with the real possibility of losing everyone he cares about, including former GF Vanessa (Morena Baccarin), former X-Force buddy Peter (Rob Delaney), and Dopinder (Karan Soni), Deadpool takes it upon himself to steal a multiverse transverser and hunt down a Wolverine from a different universe in order to use him to repopulate the missing Wolverine from his planet, thus sparing the universe Mr. Paradox’s planned extinction. 

Things don’t exactly go as planned. Eventually, DP does find a Wolverine, of sorts, but, as he himself puts it, he gets the “worst” one, a Wolverine who managed to let down his entire X-Men team, allowing them to all get slaughtered. Going from bad to worse, the pair of misfit brutes eventually find themselves deposed on a dead, post-apocalyptic desert world, like something out of the Mad Max-verse, running afoul of the local ruler of said wasteland, Cassandra Nova (Emma Corrin), a wildly powerful psionic type (and sister to Charles Xavier, founder of the original X-Men). 

Ergo, DP and Wolverine have to somehow make their way off this hostile plane of existence, with the help of a few former Marvel castoffs, get back to DP’s universe in time to stop Mr. Paradox from his diabolical plans, all while avoiding the army of alternate universe Deadpools, gathered together as a tribe of red-clad mercenaries (the cutest of which, without a doubt, Dogpool). 

There are certainly more hits than misses in this go-round, with some of the deprecating take downs ("Pegging isn’t new to me, friendo, but it is to Disney!") coming so rapid fire and from the hip, you have almost no choice but to fall for at least a few of them. True to form, DP is particularly merciless to the so-called hand that feeds him, putting Marvel in the crosshairs for some inspired burns (“Welcome to the MCU,” DP tells Wolverine, “but you’re hitting it at a bit of a low point.’) The film is filled to the brim with an enormous number of similar MCU full-body takedowns, profane quips, and wanton acts of violence, which helps distract from the fact that the story, such as it is, doesn’t really make a ton of sense, and seems to lose what steam it does have by the third act. Previous DP flicks have done the work of reaching a satisfying conclusion amidst all the dick jokes and beheadings, but here, Levy, Reynolds, and the rest of the writing team seem to have exhausted themselves in the first two acts, leaving the film’s climax severely underpowered. 

Still, apart from everything else, the film represents a desperately needed palate cleanser for the MCU from the last few years, a chance to show the world the company can acknowledge their missteps, and laugh at their mistakes. It's the first step of regaining their toehold on pop culture, and a welcome opportunity to reapproach their existing future projects with these painful lessons in mind. 

It's a hopeful idea, though I would be remiss if I didn't point out after this relatively quiet year, 2025 has three more MCU films slated to open. We can only hope they take this brief reprieve and do something extraordinary with it -- though, cynically speaking, I have my doubts. 

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Amy Rigby

Photo by Bert Eke

The singer-songwriter Amy Rigby got her start in the late 1980s and early 1990s in spry, New York-based country throwback groups Last Roundup and The Shams. Starting with 1996’s Diary of a Mod Housewife, Rigby has steadily released solo work that can break your heart with the contagious ache in her dry, distinctive voice or make you laugh out loud at the concussive put-downs she doles out. Rigby has a particular knack for turning the quotidian mythic and reminding us that the mythologized are ultimately just some guys. The music has remained rooted in country, but not confined by it. Hers is a guitar-forward style that can incorporate the bright highs of acoustic pop rock, crunchy roadhouse grooves, R&B, and even jazz. Alex Johnson, in his review of Rigby’s most recent release, Hang In There With Me, called the album “tough, witty rock and roll…[that] catalogs a lifetime of drags, uncertainties and disasters, but returns, again and again, to the people, moments and experiences that make it worthwhile, or bearable enough.”

Here are some things that Rigby has been listening to lately.

Warmduscher — “Eight Minute Machines”

Discovered via an online review of their Brooklyn show last year, one that made me want so badly to be sweating in a crowd with this band onstage.

Amelia White — “Get To The Show”

One of my Nashville pals and I love this track from her latest album. Amelia is always out working and rocking, written with the great Gwil Owen… Sometimes I really do miss Nashville!

Daniel Romano — “Impossible Green”

You know when you discover an artist and think wow, this kid’ll go far, then realize they’ve been at it for years, made tons of records, play all the instruments, write, sing and tour their ass off? That’s how it is for me with Daniel Romano. This track comes from his 2017 album Modern Pressure.

Gina Birch — I Play My Bass Loud

Gina’s debut solo album came out just a year ago — I’ve been a fan since hearing the Raincoats in the late 1970s and getting to see them live when they came to NYC back then. She’s one of my heroines for being an artist and uniquely herself in whatever it is she does — music, video, painting. The bass and her opening line: “Sometimes I wake up, and I wonder — what is my job?” Pure Gina/genius!

Wreckless Eric — Inside The Majestic

He’s my husband and labelmate so what the hell — this is from his most recent album Leisureland. People know Eric for his voice and lyrics and guitar, but this is an instrumental track that’s just glorious. I want to see the movie it soundtracks, or at very least a choreographed dance routine with Eric at the piano in a tuxedo.

Michele Stodardt — “These Bones”

A big attraction for me with the Magic Numbers was Michele Stodart’s bass playing and cool vocal contributions, love hearing and seeing her do her solo thing.

Meshell Ndgeocello — The Omnichord Real Book

For the last dozen years, I was bartending/selling books at a small shop in New York’s Hudson Valley. The first time Meshell came in I was tongue-tied, knowing her as a bass playing legend and poet, and thought if she lives here, it’s kind of the center of the universe, right? I really hope to see her play live sometime.

TBHQ — “Planet of Pain” from TBHQ

A radio host on a show I guested on was playing this great track when I walked in. “I really like that,” I thought, and then realized it was my daughter Hazel Rigby who records under the name TBHQ. She’s been performing and recording for years, often instrumental/noise but her voice and lyrics are so wise and honest.

Dory Previn — “The Comedian”

There’s never been anyone like Dory Previn, the pain and ridiculousness of being a human so acutely depicted in song. There’s a new documentary about her, On My Way To Where, by my friend Julia Greenberg with animated segments by Emily Hubley, just making its debut out there. She had a fascinating, fruitful, difficult beautifully productive life and I can’t wait to learn more about her.

Mary Timony — “Dominoes” from Untame The Tiger

Love everything about Mary Timony’s latest solo album Untame the Tiger — the songs, the guitar playing, her voice, the cover!

Swamp Dogg — “Synthetic World”

One of my favorite tracks of all time. Jerry Williams (Swamp Dogg) is still out bringing his music to the people. I’m looking forward to seeing the new documentary Swamp Dogg Gets His Pool Painted — there’s just nobody like this guy.

[doyouevenlikehaveanagency]

I’m surprised more people aren’t seeing the power dynamics at play. So Blake Lively has this new lawsuit calling out PR tactics pr firms use to defame stars and Justin’s harassment, now moving forward if she shows any negative behavior her problematic self will be defended with “omg its probably Justin, trying to defame her” or the public will garner sympathy for her no matter what. Basically, I’m not denying anything she experienced on set, but funny how she went from being a tone deaf witch with a b to now people coddling her. Remember PR works in a number of ways.

Also, two major fandoms are now using this publicized mess above to claim there are “smear” campaigns out against their “favs” due to now being aware that behind the scenes pr can be used to destroy careers. I saw people (Beyhive) online claiming Beyonce and Jay -Z have someone doing a smear campaign against them and I’m just like……. 🙄 no sweeties Jay has been close friends with R Kelly and Diddy, thus people speculating, but you want to believe his hands are clean and innocent because he’s married to Beyonce?! Makes me even wonder if the current mess with Jay-Z is being done to force people to believe any and all future allegations or lawsuits against him are fake and someone clout chasing for fame. How would anyone think that, well easy, create a false accusation against Jay and then have it debunked publicly so if anyone calls out Jay Z in the future, people will immediately be dismissive and believe it’s fake like the current bs.

See, these celebrities and their Stans will now use this to their advantage moving forward, it’s going to keep fans and the public from believing obvious bs or anything negative that comes to light and to ignore it as….. oh their “enemy” (anyone that calls out their favorite celebrity) must’ve hired a PR firm to write or create negative online content about said celebrity, even if the celebrity actually did or said something to warrant the negative backlash. Brainwashing 101

So now it makes it even easier for celebrities to get away with things in the future if you show the public a little of the behind the scenes tactics that are used yet not applied to every situation.

One thing I commend Chris Evans’ fandom on is majority immediately went 🤔 hmmm something isn’t right in the beginning of this shitshow and I swear Chris was sending smoke signals in early interviews like before any of this debuted and he stated “the industry makes you do things you don’t want to do” and I went …….. 🧐 🤨 but then the whole “crazy fans” narrative was used and then fast forward to weddings and I’m like, yeah idk what’s going on in his world, but I’m supposed to believe those two are legit when he seemed more cool with her during the making of the obviously orchestrated scare videos and v-day content. After Nov 2022, to this present day the man seems so distant with the “wife”, yet still shows affection to every other woman on the planet except her. So yeah, not buying what’s being sold. Even if they take a new approach, it’s too late. They need to end this so Chris can have a 2025 revamp era before his upcoming performances are released, a way to throw out the bs and get back focused on his career.

It’s crazy because had her and her racist friends not trolled in the beginning and if Chris actually liked her, this could’ve benefited her or the age gap would have been the only bump in the road they had. All she got was a well deserved headache from trying to prove something that’s fake is legit and trying to one up the fandom, but ended up biting herself in the ass because the fandom has continuously called out everything and the fandom has ammo (her shower horror and her porn sites uploads, racist friends, etc) that can’t be deleted from the internet as screenshots are forever.

Also, if this were legit, you all don’t believe for one second she would not have attempted to throw this “relationship” in our faces with pics and videos, yet she didn’t. So either Chris is an asshole that has her ass on a tight leash (doubtful) or this entire marriage and relationship are 100% FAKE! But Mod you can delete this last part as we know they love stealing “ideas”. 😝

I mentioned I was around for lilygate(which is funny because a lot of what we are seeing here first happened with that situation so this shit was never gon fool me) and saw how that went down. I also, I mean WE, got heads up from Sebastian's fan base so again not fooling me. I like most of his remaining fan base am just waiting for it to be over cause keep it hundred this girl's career is NEVER gonna pop off in the USA so she won't be relevant to the point of hearing her name anymore and I doubt that he will heavily mention her after. Guys just gotta be patient at ATP.

[onecornerface]

the time I trolled 4chan as a fake flat earther for six hours in 2012

In July 2012, I got on 4chan and pretended to be a flat earther. I passionately argued for flat earth theory for six hours with almost no break. I kept a single thread going the whole time, getting over 400 replies. I’m not sure if I still have a PDF of the thread, but I do have some quotes from people who responded to me. Looking back over this a decade later, I am proud.

[CW: Slurs]

"There's no way you're actually this dumb. There's just no way."

"the flat earth society is one of the best trolls i've ever seen, in all those days of /b/"

"I tried some scientific research on this topic a while ago. I ordered a pizza, got two because the first was not what I ordered. I let the first dry out under a light bulb. Eventually, after a couple weeks, living creatures started populating Planet Pizza, after a while orbiting their home planet. This is proof, that the earth is flat. tl;dr Earth is a pizza, probably on a bigger pizza which probably is in a room with an even bigger pizza."

"Sir your thesis contradicts climate, you don't know what refraction is, you can't explain day and night, ebb and flow and you're also paranoid and/or outright stupid since you believe in conspiracy theory."

"You are a stupid faggot, and the whole of society would be better if you stopped breathing it's air. ...unless, of course, you're a troll. In that case, I'll award you an 8/10."

"I however, HAVE BEEN TO SPACE. Twice. I assure you, having orbited the planet many times, it is indeed a sphere. OP is an idiot, his only defense against me is 'omg gimme proof' which I can, and once given, 'u r part of the illuminatee' Ugh. Ignorant dumb ass piece of shit."

"Damn OP 9/10"

"If we dealt with this on a daily basis i would kill myself."

"Yes my jimmies are rustled, because I hate ignorant, inbred fucks like OP. Go die in a hole. Oh wait, you couldn't, you'd be scared of just falling through into space."

"10/10 OP good trolling, keeping in character and sounding legit"

"9/10 OP. My jimmies will be rustled for the whole rest of the day after reading this tripe."

"[S]ome eyebrows must be raised in the direction of the /b/ros still continuing to argue about this. Better standard should be expected from you guys, but taking away nothing from OP. Excellent work."

"If you're not a failtroll you are, by far, one of the most deluded and idiotic people I've ever seen post on /b/, which is a tremendous feat."

"9/10 for commitment"

"love this thread op 10/10 for still being here." (This was three hours in.)

">Focuses on the obscurely worded >Ignores every other point >Provides no answers About what I was expecting."

"Go hung yourself, please Humanity doesn't need such stupid people like you are"

"I'd believe someone who says the earth is flat compared to someone who claims otherwise and can't grammar correctly."

"I haven't laughed so hard at something on /b/ for a long time."

"OP, I'm not gonna bother asking you anything. I just wanted to let you know this is the best thread I have seen as long as I can remember. You truly are amazing. Good fucking job."

"nice arguments though i am in awe of your reckless faggotry and ignorance and skills of producing believable logical fallacies."

(Four hours in) "I can't believe this thread is still going. OP is the most successful troll of all time."

">Earth is flat >Every other celestial body is round >mfw 1/10"

"Great thread. You are not a troll, I saw you other times here and I knew personally a man from this society."

"holy shit 0 of fucking 10"

"Billiard balls are also flat. Isn't it obvious that they sprites?"

"10/10 OP wins"

">almost 5 hours of this shit 10/10"

"Big respect OP. OP is alpha as fuck"

"but seriously, OP is the man destroying everyone with his devasting arguments for hours huge respect man if i would suck a cock then I'd suck yours and I'd propably come before you do"

"3/10. Painfully obvious troll, yet impressive to see so many anons actually failing to make a compelling argument."

"Willy Wonka travelled around the world in 80 days, and ended up back where he started, just in time for tea. You can't explain that."

"Did you ever wonder what happened to Amelia earhart? She flew too far. Gov't shot her down past the ice wall. They obviously couldnt have her come back from that trip, she would tell everyone"

"I myself subscribe to modern rational empiricism, in accordance to which OP's arguments are absolute bullshit. And yet the attempts to challenge his unfalsifiable beliefs have proven mostly futile. A great majority of those posting in this thread have no idea why they should believe the earth is round."

"There has to be trolling here, I seriously can't believe what I am reading."

"this is beyond epic"

"I'm starting to enjoy this so i'm upping you from a 2/10 to an 8 but it ends now."

"OP is now argueing since 6 hours. This is the longest discussion I've ever seen in my life. Of ALL discussions, not only 4chan."

"arguments presented thus far by flatty: >did you personally do the experiment? no? then the results are invalid >here's my evidence; as demonstrated in this experiment someone else did also >oh; you did the experiment itself and it basically shows that the earth is round? >there's probably crazy gravity or some shit; hell if i know or >just because we can't explain every one of these phenomena and a spherical model can doesn't mean we're wrong. i'm serious you guys also >pictures lie and you should never believe them; despite mind boggling quality and quantity available for universal use online"

"Explain how we can have fat asses and tennis balls but a flat fucking earth."

"9/10 OP, well done!"

[the-elderly-are-evolving]

gay twilight princess character headcanons bc it pride month

look im sure someone else has done it but idc i have A Lot Of Feelings rn and they have 2 go somewhere so get on board or get off ma ass about it

Link:

u no him, u love him, he has like 3 pixels in this game and all of them r doing their best!

he's coming from a conservative little backwater (i say this as the unfortunate alum of a conservative little backwater myself-- sorry, but Ordon's main export is like. goats or w/ever, there's no way there aren't any trump supporters in that town), but i think once he travels around n gets 2 experience different things on his quests n shit he starts 2 unravel some of that internalized homophobia & becomes a great ally and, dare i say it, a little bi-curious

"but, gabe," i hear u say, "link is such a nonbinary icon, what about the transmasc & transfemme gender envy???" and 2 that i say mmmmm yea yea ik, but i don't think he sees it in himself yet, i think that comes later when he's got more adult confidence n shit. like i can see a 20's/30's link with long luscious braided hair wearing crop tops and mini skirts 2 show off his sick nasty battle scars while he picks ppl up at the bar

final verdict is bi and, later, genderqueer, although i think he's one of those ppl who doesn't really care about labels/ pronouns bc he is simply 2 busy sparkle emoij boots the house down slaying monsters hahahah get it im hilaris

Midna:

now that's a she/they if ever i've met one

one of those ppl whose gender presentation is mostly just looking like a scruffy & stinky goblin cretur 95% of the time except 4 that like. 2% of the time they actually make an effort and turn out****

def has a bro-code friendship w link where they both just don't talk about their feelings and instead r violent together love this little war criminal & her dog best friend

ur 1st instinct is lesbian, but look a little closer, and u will soon realize that this is simply a pansexual with a strong preference 4 women in their natural habitat

i think she is trying 2 b a responsible queer bc she knows link is unfamiliar w the community n she is trying 2 b a good ambassador between link n the gays uhhhhh unfortunately she is simply 2 busy trying 2 commit crimes & being like. a chronically online 20-year old or however old she's supposed 2 be & i think link comes away more confused than ever b4

****couple things here: a) ik that doesn't add up to 100%-- i am gay, what part of do not talk 2 me about numbers don't u understand b) ik midna was literally cursed 2 b an imp by zant, but it doesn't change anything in my mind and u can't convince me that she didn't just pull out her "true form" bullshit 2 try an seduce zelda at the end of the game c) no i have no personal experience with this gender presentation at all how dare you insinuate anything of the sort i have totally showered this week totally now shut up

Zelda:

Lesbian, no further questions ur honor

Furthermore, femme lesbian, often gets Assigned Straight On Sight & is very tired of getting hit on by straight men

One of those gays who wear wacky silly n fun statement earrings so other queer ppl know they're gay

We don't actually see her a lot in this game so there's not much 2 go off of with her characterization... this zelda has had a lot of pressure put on her what with being the sole leader of her people in this time of extreme stress, & so i think she is very competent & composed & controlled, but out of necessity, which will prob lead her 2 rebel later in life & act out a little when the country is not at war & she gets to be more of a child again.... basically what im saying is twilight princess should've had a sequel n it should've started w zelda deciding she's punk now, shaving her head, and making link help her run away from home

EDIT: how did i not see this b4...... i have been a fool...... zelda is secretly an astrology gay. it's one of her guilty pleasures bc she knows it's prob not real n the planets prob aren't doing anything w ppl's personalities, but she can't help but b like oooh but wouldn't it b fun if the real reason zant was such a little bitch was just bc his pisces is in retrograde?

[vixlenxe]

Me putting down Planet ideas here, because I need to put them down somewhere to oringize my thoughts

Mercury

Smol boi, only 5'5

Fastest mf in the west, just really speedy

Did all sorts of high school & collage athletes like track, baseball & soccer

Does professional baseball for a living

When baseball season isn't in play, he does have a part-time job of being a trainer at a gym

Sports sports sports sports-

Smells a lot because he's running around in the dirt most of the time

An actual sweetheart, like jump in front of a bus to save a random stranger levels of sweet

Indulges in a little bit of B&E, as he likes to crash at one of his sister's penthouses that happens to be in the same town

Venus

Mercury's sister. They won't tell you which one is older, because they enjoy driving people insane with it.

Yes, she's taller then her brother

The most fashionable bitch you will ever met

Also the baddest bitch you will ever met

In general she is a bitch, but a loving bitch once you are in her circle of friends

Sleeps around a bit

Has a job as a runway model

As a result of her job, she moves around a lot, but has multiple homes of varying kinds all over the world

"Don't you know my ass is famous?"

Earth(Gaia)

Collage student being forced to get a degree in business by her father

She really wants to get an art degree instead, but is agreeing to do business because she feels she owes her dad

Is constantly getting sick

Her medical bills would have run a normal family bankrupt, the only reason her family isn't is because her father is a successful local business man

Very interested in gardening, but her worrywort of a mother doesn't let her near plants thinking they will effect her daughter's health. Went as far as to remove all plants from her family home, save for the grass on the ground outside

Recycles!

Is vegan

Bean bags bean bags bean bags

Has a pet goldfish named Goldeen. Yes, like the pokemon, shut up it's her favorite OG water type

Moon(Luna)

Older Half-sister to Gaia, same mother, different fathers.

When her father & mother divorced, long before Gaia was born, custody of Luna went to her father. They quickly went no contact afterwards, so Luna is mostly unaware of her half-sister's existence

She likes expensive clothes, but doesn't have the money to buy them most of the time

Astrology Nerd

Night Owl life

Works the night shift as a waitress at a 24 restaurant, claims it's nothing special, but then will say their burgers are to die for in the same breath

Don't give her choices, she's really bad at making choices

Mars

Anger Issues R U

Flamin' red head

Tattoos on tattoos

"What do you mean I can't solve all my problems by punching it or throwing shit at it?"

Likes hiking

If a bear happened upon him in the woods while hiking, they would try to fight it

Most likely to owe more then one motorbike

Probably in a biker gang? Probably in a biker gang-

'Mars' is just their gang name, no one knows their actual name

Has done more illegal shit then they have fingers & toes, just hasn't gotten caught yeah/doesn't know it is illegal

If you want to calm this crazy MF down, give food, food is the best distraction

Jupiter(Jun)

CEO of some business tycoon probably

The tallest MF on this list easily

Weird birthmark on their shoulder, they're proud of it too

Asshole

Asshole, but he throws money at things a lot, including people, so it's fine I guess?

Asshole, but he's an asshole to everyone else but 'the one' so it's fine-

Probably smokes & also probably has a car collection

Saturn

The second tallest MF on this list

Blonde hair that is very long

Legs for daaaaaays

Does Ballet & other performative arts

'Saturn' is only her stage name, all ballerinas in her group use stage names to protect their real identities, but she will also use it in public sometimes out of habit

Likes to wear gold, particularly obsessed with gold rings

Screeches like a damn banshee

Because of her already huge height, as well as her job as a ballerina, she's also really self conscious about her weight & her appearance

Uranus(Ure)

Dyes their hair blue because it's their favorite color

Introvert

Very shy in public & with new people, absolutely apeshit with their friends in private

Secret conspiracy theorist

Proud video game addict

Was that weird quiet kid at school that listened to music in the corner of the classroom, has now evolved to making playlists & sending them to their few friends

Also weirdly obsessed with rings

Does after-hours solo cleaning at a few different locations, because they don't want to have to deal with people

Neptune

Dyes his hair a dark blue because he want it to match his eyes

His eyes are fucking beautiful though, I can see why he wants his hair to match

Mysterious aura

Runs a few black market chains

Always late to any meeting or gathering

It's 100% on propose

'Service with a smile' if given a human form

He's actually very nice & sweet, with a touch of lazy, until you mess with his money

BITCH BETTER HAVE MY MONEY

Pluto

The smallest on this list easily

Androgynous

Incredibly lazy

Favorite past time is napping

Might suffer from narcolepsy, insists they just sleep when they feel stressed to ease it

Hates not being taken seriously

"Am I a joke to you?" -> Will get pissed if you ignore them or answer yes to this

Easily gets attached to others & easily flustered

"NOTICE ME SENPAI!!!"

[heartfullyferal]

Lizzy's giving... Giving in Chicago right now and Jeremy is doing his damndest to help o u t. By of course naturally adjusting the amount of drugs she's allowed, no! He's t h e r e for her and as an uncle of literally a few hours, doing better than Tony could hope to achieve.

He's holding her hand.

Alright Tony let's talk about it.

Your fucking track record HISTORY is a t r o c i o u s.

For a man who has successfully made seven children with EVERY wife you've speed-married and Non Proposed at, even though you literally do not have a SINGLE appendage capable of such a biological function, you would think there'd be a serious history of standing by the bedside of your wife with an arm around her, a hand holding hers, spending hours upon fucking hours and hours LONG into the night telling her she can do it.

I have never watched you make the fucking effort, and god knows why the girls put up with you, it's sure as fuck not worth it.

I don't fucking know how anyone can exist on this planet as long as your CRUSTY ASS and not realise that having newborns TAKES MORE THAN HOLDING THEM.

Spare a fucking thought for CHANGING them or FEEDING them, this cop-out is NEVER going to be enough to make up for this INSANE impulse you had to make a thread about infants you didn't even care about enough to NAME until LATER.

Could you sound LESS disinterested buddy?

Could you?

You can!

How IMPRESSIVE TONY.

MEANWHILE THIS BEAUTIFUL BASTARD

Has NEVER raised his voice. He has NEVER cried at Elizabeth for breathing near another man, and has NEVER taken her day to day lifestyle as a personal affront to his importance in it.

Jeremy can hold a hand like the fucking b e s t of them, because he IS the fucking best of them.

He's trying his HARDEST to do the heavy lifting in the room while his fellow bean is STRUGGLING for her LIFE and has absolutely seen it flash before her eyes more than once.

Full disclosure, it totally r o c k e d. A lot of Klaus also.

While Lizzy can push like there's no tomorrow, she can ALSO trust in the person by her side, because he's capable of respecting her autonomy, and her emotions. He can let her b r e a t h e. He can let her LIVE.

And above all else, he sure as fuck isn't going to pretend Holding Something is the same as PARENTING.

Damon Salvatore has been a better father in less than a fucking year than Tony Riley has in FORTY MILLION.

And here's Jeremy, supporting Lizzy to become the b e s t mother she ever fucking c a n.

[c0urtofthecrimsonk1ng]

i don’t wanna start any discourse or anything but as an american going to a very secluded christian school (guys. there’s only 15 kids in the whole school and i only get taught by two teachers. very house on the pairie) i want to add my thoughts about the “ignorant american” trope.

and yeah a lot of adults should get their heads out their ass i just. wanted to say something.

The things i have been taught are the most vile disgusting things on the face of the planet. I am being conditioned to be hateful.

My first class is math. Nothing you can really change about math. I’m really bad at it, so even though i’m in 12th grade, i’m in algebra 2 still. My second class is literature.

I do not get to read books by non-christian authors and instead must read things like The chosen, Just David, and the Stagebrush surgeon. The only “normal” book i have read is the Metaphorphisis by Franz Kafka and recently the screw tape letters by C.S. Lewis. However C.S. Lewis is still a christian so. you get where i’m coming from here. My teachers said that they give me a rounded world view, yet i don’t have any books or class rubrics by any non christian authors. In fact, when we read something by a black author, my very white teacher said the N word aloud, hard R, 3 times in a row completely calmly and under the guise of: it was written in the book.

My next class is Chemistry. My chemistry book is written by a christian author, and i am taught under Creationism and Not evolution. Which is fine, but i am not learning about both, and instead with no sources other than the Bible, am being told evolution is false. I am given false sources with obvious creationism bias when i am forced to watch documentaries in class.

My next class is history and art and all the rest. I also have a mandatory Bible study class. In history i was being spoken too about other countries, they are portrayed as horrible, vile places to live in. We are taught that America is the best country to live in, with the best, most “free” government. Children are being lied to on a daily basis. I don’t even know what i am being lied about anymore. We are told communism doesn’t work without any proof.

We are not taught. We are Told.

Adults regularly avoid homeless people begging for money on the street. There are anti-homeless sirens and benches with spikes on them everywhere. We are taught to give our money to the church and not the poor. We are told that the reason homeless people are homeless is that they couldn’t bother to get a job.

We are told to criticize and preach to LGBTQ citizens because they are going to hell. We are told that because this book, this bible, dictates everything, without giving anyone a choice. We are told to do things because the bible says so.

I am told horribly racist things all the time. I am told that all muslims are terrorists because of their religion. I am regularly told that israel is the one being persecuted and not Palestine. I have been told that palestine DESERVES WHAT IS HAPPENIBG TO THEM. BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT CHRISTIAN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND???,

AMERICANS ARE TAUGHT. TO BE IGNORANT. HATEFUL. PIGS. AMERICANS ARE TOLD TO IGNORE THE POOR AND THE DIFFERENT BECAUSE OF THIS ONE BOOK. AMERICANS ARE FORCED THROUGH A SYSTEM OF MEMORIZATION SO NO ONE ASKS QUESTIONS ONCE WE GRADUATE. “americans are stupid!! americans are stupid!!” WHEN. WILL YOU LEARN. AMERICA’S FREEDOM. IS A LIE. WE ARE NOT FREE. WE ARE MINDLESS DRONES. WE ARE TAUGHT. TO BE OBLIVIOUS AND OBEDIENT TO THE RICH. AND THAT THE POOR. SHOULD DIE. We do not learn about the outside world on purpose! That is why Americans are ignorant and rude and “think they are the center of the earth”! Americans are NOT taught about the outside world. Whatsoever.

There are americans losing their homes, their houses, their families because they cannot afford healthcare. There are americans being killed, shot, and deported because of their skin color.

I promise you. The children are not ignorant. They are brainwashed. The majority of the american people. are brainwashed. Please. Talk to americans that will listen about your culture. Make people realize how bad our government is.

What is obvious to non-americans is not obvious to us.

[queermarzipan]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

BEST. SURPRISE. EVER.

BTW

I LOVE YOU ASMI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

SOOIGJLCFGOOOOO

R o b e r t d e n e i r o

R O B E R T D E N E I R O

i'm dying. i'm actually dying

Russel T. Davies

Russel T. Davies

ily asmi

i'm laughing bc this is incredibly obvious to ME but that is EXACTLY THE SAME RHYTHM so i am in fact delighted that you knew that

Yes this is true. Twelve is the lesbian and thirteen is idk pansexual or something idk. some sort of extremely niche microlabel i feel. not 'lesbian'

YOU WOULD THINK WOULDN'T YOU but no the master just really is that much of an ego-full person. he chose the name. like every time lord gets to choose their name and he called himself the master. & honestly there is also some sort of BDSM thing going on where the master REALLY LIKES the doctor using their name. and they're also both firmly in 'I Can Fix Him' territory about each other. fucking hell

MISSY MY FUCKING BELOVED ISTG I'M SO MAD THAT THE ONLY MASTER ARC THAT HAD HER BE LIKE FIXING HERSELF WAS WHILE SHE WAS A WOMAN AND THEY HAD THAT CLEAR DELINEATION THEY MADE BTW 'THE MASTER' AND 'MISSY' & I'M JUST. I LOVE HER. YOU FUCKING GOT ME. W H Y

the fucking bigeneration i was READY TO CRY & then they gave me the BEST GIFT OF ALL FUCKING TIME WHOVIANS EVERYWHERE CHEERED ISTFG

i also fucking sobbed but that's not the point the point is it fixed me

i love how little catherine knows about doctor who. every interview they do where david and catherine are together and something factual about the lore comes up david turns to catherine like "👀😇" i fucking love it

the QPR is the realest thing ever istFG it's so much stronger than stobin it really is and i'm biased towards stobin bc they're my FIRST PLANTONIC SHIP but omg they knocked it out of the park. the doctor 7 donna. forevermore. in the brains of people who have gone insane

THE FUCKING. KILLS HER. FUCK

HE KILLS HER

TO SAVE HER LIFE

BUT HE STILL KILLS HER

AND HE HAS TO CARRY THAT

FUCKING HELLLLLLLLLLL

this is what the 60th anniversary fixed in me btw. this pain. the cracks r still conveniently there & reopen when i put myself back in time within the canon

why would i do that you ask

obviously

i

must

????

pain

donna

</3.

^see. totally reasonable

the original show had shitty effects and so does the new one and everyone loves it. if u genuinely think the shitty effects of dw are something to overcome u r made aware that u r incorrect. we love our ridiculous procreate ass living bin and obviously plastic mickey. go watch avengers if u want GOOD cgi

this is profoundly accurate & also neutral which is smart bc having not watched the show u would ABSOLUTELY not be able to adequately defend your position to avoid having ppl come up to ubto ""explain" why ur wrong.

that said.

tentoo is the best ending rose tyler could have possibly had it tied in with themes in school reunion & impossible planet & family of blood & also fucking army of ghosts & doomsday & no one can ever change my mind. i fucking love it to fucking pieces u can pry the metacrisis from my cold dead hands

HE'S CALLED TENTOO BC HE'S ALSO TEN IT'S A FUCKING PUN IT'S THE BEST PUN EVER I LOVE IT

NuWho is one word & New Who is two words. Expeditiousness is the friend of all. this is the fandom that uses full-on numbers to refer to versions of a character lke the infamous "you can like 11 better than 10" post lmao u expect us to keep two words we could conpress into one??

THE TARDIS SHOULD ABSOLUTELY IMPLEMENT RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS IF I EVER GET TO WRITE FOR THE SHOW THAT'S MY FIRST FUCKING SUGGESTION. I'M FUCKING LOVING THAT. also the tardis😍😍🩵💙🩵💙💙🩵💙🩵🩵

he does indeed. bridgerton episode

the ninth doctor is sometimes a butch lesbian and sometimes something unknowable & i think it was the unknowable version that was bobbing his head. he fucking rocks also ur absolutely right he has so little rizz. he can get it

truth. nothing more to say

very very queer. nothing more to say

david tennant and catherine tate had SO MUCH FUN during that episode istg i love them so much

the sexuest person is indeed a head. apparently he was supposed to be in a certain story arc & he'd have his head chopped off and that's why he's a head but they couldn't get him. so now we just simply have to assume that he got into a beheading predicament at some point

the Meep's pronoun is the definite article. easy mistake to make. the Meep is always "the Meep". friend shaped because evil subterfuge :,[

.....uh........ idk asmi idk lmao

WAIT OH MY GOD IT'S CASSANDRA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT CASSANDRA I'M GOING TO EXPLODE THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY

*strolls into tumblr and falls on my face pretending I haven't been missing for like a month I was out getting the milk hello maggots*

Doctor Who But I've Never Watched It 2.0

For those of you feeling deja vu YES I HAVE MADE POSTS ON DOCTOR WHO BEFORE OKAY but back then I was a young uneducated lad, just a fresh blossom unfucked by tumblr. Now I am surrounded by you lot and by god do y'all love Doctor Who. And I am Educated. My DW virginity is deflowered. All that.

SO HERE WE GO, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW I'VE NEVER WATCHED:

The show started in 1963, and then was rebooted in 2005 and the showrunner was... Robert de Neiro? Idk all I know is he gives Pedro Pascal vibes. Like his name. His name is Robert.

There have been 15 Doctors so far. One is a lesbian and it is not Jodie Whittaker, it is actually the 12th doctor.

There's someone called the Master. I don't know what that means, or if it's some kind of BDSM thing, but he has intense sexual tension with the Doctor.

He's also emo and has bleached hair and is kinda babygirl. And is called Missy.

The Doctors all have intense trauma and the 15th Doctor kind of girlbossed it by leaving David Tennant intact when they binary-fissioned.

Donna is a person played by Catherine... Tate? Not Hepburn. And she knows less about Doctor Who than I do. And Donna is in a QPR with the David Doctors (there are two of them).

David Doctor loves Donna very much. And then he kills her. But doesn't kill her. And then they have dinner together with her husband and kid.

The original show had shitty effects. The new show does too, and everyone is happy about this.

Rose is someone the David Doctor is in love with and then she ends up with a human AU of him and he leaves and the fans are very divided and passionate about this.

The human AU is called Tentoo because y'all hate using W's. What the fuck is Tentoo. What is Nuwho. Why isn't it New and Two. Help me.

THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED THE TARDIS, IT IS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE, I HAVE HAD WEIRD DREAMS WHERE IT WAS A FUCKING AUTO-RICKSHAW WITH RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS, AND IT IS BLUE AND NOT YELLOW BUT IT WAS YELLOW IN MY DREAM. Because of a Drarry fanfic that I misread.

The 15th doctor dances homoerotically with someone during the French Revolution.

The 9th doctor kinda vibes with like his head jiggling idk I've only seen one gif of him.

The 13th doctor keeps forgetting she's in a woman's body.

It is all very gay.

David Tennant's arms are too long.

The sexiest person is a head.

The Meep's pronouns are Meep. Meep is not friend. IF NOT FRIEND THEN WHY FRIEND SHAPED??????

A buttcheek skin talks or something yeah this is all I got.

have at it y'all @robinprinceofchaos @multidimensional-trashcan @wispedvellichor @queermarzipan thanks for the second hand brainrot

*sneaks away under the cover of night* i was never here

[rebecca-lotto]

real life has got to be the worst apocalypse movie i've ever seen

the only villain for america is the incompetent government!

and it's boring as fuck!

i need to meet the fucker responsible for this shit b/c i've got some ideas to fix this shit show.

first off , actual fucking aliens im talking tall as fuck alien ladies ( who are 7 '9" AT THE MINIMUM) .

giant space amazons who come to earth in order to start interplanetary relations with us.

but as per fucking usual , american politicians come and screw everything up.

and the aliens' diplomatic party decide to do our planet's gene pool a service and abduct the morons responsible for this great insult.

the morons are taken back to the aliens' planet and are (of course) shocked and horrified that the women of this planet are both super tall & buff as hell , and outnumber the men 5 to 1.

said idiot american politicians try their usual braindead sexist remarks in order to try & take control back in this situation , but their behavior just earns them a muzzle and about 5 vaccine jabs in their ass.

it turns out that the alien civilization has been observing earth for quite a long time. and in their observations they have reached the conclusion that the one thing standing between earth & true peace is the warmongering idiots around the world.

so the civilization reached a collective agreement ; the best way to prepare earth life for the galactic coalition was to fix the (r-slurs) ruining everything for everyone that wasn't them.

and if they had to straight up mindcontrol said (r-slurs) into being better people , so be it.

the needs of the many outweigh the greed of a bunch of bigots.

[gerogerigaogaigar]

Otis Redding - Otis Blue/Otis Redding Sings Soul

If you've been following along then you probably already know I'm about to salivate all over this album. This is Otis Redding at his most artistically serious. He takes mainly other people's songs and does them justice. Four of them are odes to his recently deceased hero Sam Cooke. Not a lot of whimsy here just really beautiful blues songs. He does The Rolling Stones' Satisfaction so well that even the Stones started playing his version and the original tracks are so authentic that I actually thought both Ole Man Trouble and Respect were old blues standards not originals. He does stop to rock out a little bit on B.B. Kings Rock Me Baby. This is Otis Redding's magnum opus. I don't think that's probably a controversial take, but I don't really care if I'm just parroting what other reviewers have said. This album is perfect.

Rod Stewart - Every Picture Tells A Story

I'm probably never going to be a huge Rod Stewart fan but I gotta admit this is a pretty solid album. Despite using entirely acoustic instruments aside from a few electric guitar licks here and there this album manages a good rock and roll attitude. It's a pretty impressive structural feat. The use of mandolin is unique and gives otherwise standard songs that little extra oomph to become memorable. Unfortunately Rod Stewart's voice is impossible for me to take seriously and it undermines the sexy fuckboy attitude he's trying to give off. He seriously sounds like he's trying to sing while yelling and stage whispering at the same time.

Public Enemy - Fear Of A Black Planet

Oh boy this is another album that warrants an essay rather than a blurb. So after Professor Griff was fired for his homophobic and antisemitic remarks the rest of Public Enemy had a fire lit under their asses to make something that communicated their political positions with no room for misinterpretation. The result is one of the greatest achievements in all of hip hop history. A thesis on how the white hegemony pushes the black community into spaces where anti social behavior becomes a necessity only for white society to point to said behavior as an excuse to further oppress black communities. From poor police response in black communities, to negative portrayals in film, to just talking about eugenics, Public Enemy are on fucking fire here. And they are backed up by phenomenal beats from their production crew The Bomb Squad. No one had beats like Public Enemy, totally frenetic but still funky filled with literal bells and whistles. It's related to 80s style hip hop production but so different. It's like comparing a Chihuahua to a wolf, you know they're related but they aren't the same animal. This is always one of my top ten hip hop albums so y'know jot that down.

Kendrick Lamar - DAMN.

Kendrick is a rap prodigy, even his weakest album makes everyone else look like fucking shit. DAMN. is only weak on the grounds that it reigns in the scope from his previous records. Kendrick is such a beast of an artists that a tighter more cohesive album is weaker just because he can handle the large scope of Good Kid, M.A.A.D city and To Pimp A Butterfly so well. Coming from the jazzy boom bap and trap of his previous work Kendrick has made a huge stylistic shift towards R&B and pop influenced rap. Most artists wouldn't survive such a huge shift, but Kendrick Lamar just rolls with it. I don't think there's a beat he couldn't rap over.

Jimmy Cliff - The Harder They Come

While credited as just Jimmy Cliff this album actually features a variety of ska and reggae musicians including Jimmy Cliff, Scotty, The Melodians, Toots & The Maytals, The Slickers, and Desmond Dekker. The album reads as a greatest hits of Jamaican music from the early 70s. In fact reggae's popularity outside of Jamaica was certainly facilitated by this soundtrack. It's delightful and it lends a voice to some artists whose work was probably best left on a compilation anyway. History lesson time! While most americans think that reggae is basically just any music from Jamaica it was actually a very new genre at the time of this films release. To keep it brief reggae was an evolution from ska and then when reggae started to fuse with British punk in the late 70snand then American punk in the late 80s it turned into what people nowadays think of when they think about ska music. Technically though three of the tracks on this album, the two Toots & The Maytals and the Desmond Dekker tracks are ska songs.

Nirvana - In Utero

The final album by the band that made grunge popular. After the runaway success of Nevermind Kurt Cobain was desperate to make an album that would be abrasive and commercially unviable. Naturally it's my favorite Nirvana album. It is much rougher than Nevermind, it sounds as raw and Haggard as the band must have felt and it feels even more emotionally distraught. Some songs like Heart Shaped Box and Dumb are slower but sadder than previous Nirvana tracks while others like Scentless Apprentice or Radio Friendly Unit Shifter go farther into the realms of noise rock. Overall I think that going more was a good move for Kurt Cobain, but killing himself was a bad one.

Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

Every single Simon & Garfunkel album is better than the last and this is their final album. Always building on the best parts of their style this features he best lyricism and the best musical variety in any S&G album. From Art Garfunkel's plaintive wailing on the title track to the wild brass section on Keep The Customer Satisfied to the stark and delicate nature of The Boxer they have outdone themselves in every way. It amazing that they made such a cohesive album while they hating each other so much, they feel quite in sync with each other, but that might just be Paul Simon's control freak tendencies. Either way it's the greatest masterpiece they managed as a duo and is only topped by a few of Paul Simon's solo albums.

[owl127]

R u gonna do that random ass Clexa zoo fix? Person must b messed up n the head to think of that idea. Weirdo

my blog is like planet fitness:

judgment free zone

and look at what I just posted, dear anon